Norbert McSquirrley is the pride of Thistlewick Post, known for his jaunty quiff, brisk whistle, and unstoppable dedication to the morning round – powered entirely by a geometric Scottish breakfast: circular fried egg, square sausage, and a perfectly triangular tattie scone.
When he’s not delivering letters (or gossip), you’ll find him photographing drain covers, muttering, ‘That’s a fine bit of cast iron craftsmanship, that’. His satchel always carries a spare haggis pakora and a can of Irn Bru ‘for balance’, and he’s been known to deliver both mail and unsolicited life advice in the same breath.
Rain or shine, Norbert keeps Thistlewick ticking – one letter, one quiff flick, and one square sausage at a time.
Village Whispers – Thistlewick Gazette Snippet
It’s been noted (mainly by Mrs. Pringle at the bakery) that Postie Norbert McSquirrley has been making rather a lot of deliveries to the library lately – none of which appear to contain actual mail. Observers report a suspicious amount of hair-combing and whistling outside the library door, followed by the faint sound of Dolly Parton drifting from within.
Miss Morag McTavish (the librarian) insists he’s simply returning overdue books – though sources confirm one of them was titled The Art of Subtle Flirting.
